aulteration | sangcheng zone

[Jiang Cheng wonders if he would have been one of the handful insisting on justice against those doing such a thing. With Huaisang here, he wonders if Mingjue would have been standing with him, too.]

And Wei Wuxian?

[Mingjue would have disliked what Huaisang did, he's sure. Maybe he'd have been one of them. He's not sure he wants to know for certain.

Jiang Cheng might have been too, but-- Huaisang thinks he's more likely to understand the lengths some will go to.]

If you want his opinions, isn't it better to ask him-? But I think he understood, you know. The position they were in, that we all were in. It wasn't as though most who killed even wanted to.

[How very like Huaisang to dodge. Jiang Cheng frowns, like he's aware of this, but has no opportunity to call it out without disrupting their evening substantially.

He'd may have well just leave, if he did that.]

So you followed orders.

Me--? Oh, no, no, I wasn't one of them!

[He quickly raises his hands, shaking his head.]

Really, Jiang Cheng! How well do you think I could manage it, anyway--

[His eyes narrow slightly.] I meant you all as a whole. [But now that Huaisang has jumped to the defense, Jiang Cheng isn't so sure.]

You've changed Nie Huaisang. Say what you want, but I know you aren't foolish either. Not as much as you let on.

Well, I still wouldn't say we all did, as a whole. From what I understand, we were in some danger of being unable to escape, with the number of us who rejected it all...

[Is he still side-eyeing all the protags and shounens... yes he is.]

And we've all changed, haven't we, in some way? No one lives the lives that we have and comes out unscathed.

[Boy, if anyone knows that, it's Jiang Cheng. But he's real busy feeling sorry for himself. Well, he's had his tantrum, and he's slightly better--no, he's ready to start becoming better.

Maybe.]

But you did escape, in the end.

Eventually. Between both of those places, it was at least three months-! Once everything settles I'm taking two weeks or so to myself, I really am, I'll insist I'm horribly ill if I must.

[He came home and was immediately busy... Nie Huaisang wants a vacation.

It's unlikely that he can have it, but he still wants one.]

[Surprisingly, Jiang Cheng's irritation and stiff wall sort of lowers slightly. In a way, he's almost jealous. How nice must it be to have the ability to give yourself a vacation.]

So I should expect not to see, or hear from you for two weeks after this.

It'll be what's expected of me anyway, isn't it?

[He knows, though, he probably can't indulge that any longer. Not if he's going to mend the reputation he purposely built, not if he means to get anything done in the future.]

Perhaps at least two days, if it seems anyone might chase me down for disappearing so long.

[The look on his face perhaps softens briefly, but he turns his head away to distantly look out over the water.]

Two days wouldn't be long enough.

It really wouldn't, but one takes what they can get in times such as these.

[Better than nothing. And then, lighter:]

Maybe you should take some time to yourself as well?

[Already, he's shaking his head dismissively. Maybe not looking back at Huaisang just emphasizes the rejection.]

I can't. There is too much I'm needed for here. [A pause.] I won't.

You're sure I can't talk you out of it at all? Have you changed in that way as well, Jiang Cheng?

[His tone remains idle, as he sips from his cup and fans himself.]

Well, I suppose getting you to drink with me is already close to old times...

[There's a lot he can fuss about immediately, but instead he doesn't say anything for a long stretch of time. The croaking noises of the pier drown out the silence, at least.]

We can't ever go back to those days. There isn't any point in trying. Nothing will ever be like it was before.

Of course it won't be.

[A little huff of a sigh, another drink. Already he's gone past what he intended to have, but-- it doesn't feel that bad.]

That doesn't mean I can't think of them fondly.

['That I can't think of us fondly,' back when everything was so much easier.]

[The huffy sigh makes him finally glance over at Huaisang. He wants, for some masochistic reason, to keep falling down the rabbit hole of cynicism, but--

The corners of his lips twitch just slightly without rising.]

...Are you pouting?

I'm sure you'd say it would be unbecoming of a Sect Leader to pout, or something along those lines.

[Another tiny huff. Maybe he is.]

I would probably say that, [He's Jiang Cheng. He says a lot of very bitchy things, especially ones that get him blacklisted.] yes.

[There's something amusing about how casually Huaisang can find it to sigh like a bored maiden. Or maybe he has just had too much to drink already.]

But I can't exactly begrudge you for trying to think on the past fondly. Some of it, I guess.

Parts of it, I'm sure we'd all prefer to forget, but-- it wouldn't do us any good, even if we were able to.

[He tilts his cup in a little circle, letting the liquid left in it swirl slowly around and around.]

We were happier then, though, weren't we?

[His brows come together, and he looks pensively down at the boards under them.] Not always. [The response is automatic, but he does take the time to think.

What's worse, not having a family at all, or having one that's kind of broken?]

We were happier because we were ignorant.

[when will jiang cheng stop being bitter]

Maybe so. Maybe there was more we could have done then, if we'd known.

But it was still a sort of happiness, I think.

[It's something he can't help missing. Something from a time he still thought he'd have the life he wanted.]

[Jiang Cheng supposes it was... a kind of happiness, even if he balks at the idea of being ignorant. (Funny, Jiang Cheng not wanting to be ignorant when he knew the least out of anyone...)

His eyes look over Huaisang's face, confused and curious.]

You would go back to that time instead of moving forward?

When did I say that? I know well enough there'd be little point to it-- but I don't think it's a bad thing to reminisce a little, that's all.

[If a small part of him does think sometimes about going back, it's only because it'd be a chance to change what came next-

But he also knows enough of how the world works to know that would probably be a vain hope, were it possible.]

Besides-- times like this one aren't so bad, are they.

[He thinks he knows why Huaisang would probably choose to go back. Hell, he might even choose to go back for similar reasons. His family wasn't perfect, absolutely not, but they were his family.

And they would be alive.]

Thinking about what was before, and about what could have been, can make you consider terrible things.

[It doesn't exactly sound... judgmental. It sounds like he understands this better than most. He puts his cup down on the boards of the platform, and then pulls himself to stand. The way he fixes his robes gives the impression he plans to end this and leave, but he turns his face out over the water, hesitant with consideration.

He holds his hand out to Huaisang.]

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