[Visibly, he sort of bristles; both shoulders go stiff and up. Huaisang isn't wrong. About either point. Jin Guangyao was crafty. And the three of them...
Life happened to the three of them.
Quickly, he again looks away in the opposite direction. Both hands come to rest on the wooden banister in front of him, and the fingers grip it tightly for a second or two. When he pulls back, he twists Zidian around and around his finger.]
We were given different paths. There wasn't any room to continue to be children.
[It's an easy agreement, a lock of hair spilling over his shoulder as he gives his head a little shake; he brushes it over to his back once more.]
Perhaps there wasn't any room to continue to be friends.
[Jiang Cheng had his own grief and rebuilding to contend with and Wei Wuxian was already lost, by the time Nie Huaisang experienced it himself. And in its wake-- no, there wasn't any room for it for him, not with what he needed to do.
Maybe it would have been different if any one of them chose to lean on each other. He thinks perhaps it could have gone worse if they did.]
[It's only an honest phrase, but it stings. So much of them had become lost because of the Wens, and it fills him again with a sour and bitter taste.
And then when the Wens were gone, even when things looked as if they might be relatively normal, they continued to not be at all.
He does not look back at Huaisang; instead, he lifts his head enough to peer out under the sharp curve of the gazebo roof.] Do you hate me for it? [There is no use pretending as if Huaisang is a no-good headshaker. Huaisang isn't.]
[It's not entirely an answer. On some level, maybe he hates everyone a little bit, for failing to see what he did-- for no one stopping the worst before it came to pass. Maybe that includes himself.
Maybe he can't judge anyone for never reaching out, when he was so unwilling to let anyone in. If Jiang Cheng had, Huaisang wouldn't have taken his hand.]
[They use to be thick as thieves. It's been a long time since he's thought about being conned into lying on the floor drunkenly with Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian at Gusu, listening to the two of them chatter away about something stupid while he almost falls asleep to their voices.
He didn't think he had the heart anymore to think about those times after everything that's happened.
Slowly, he turns back to Huaisang, and opens his mouth, but his eyes shift to the side as his face grows more formal and stern. His mouth shuts. A disciple in purple bows even before getting over halfway on the dock.
"Sect Leader Jiang," they say breathlessly, "the meeting will convene shortly."
Jiang Cheng glances at Huaisang, almost apologetic.] I'm coming. [Respectfully, he says,] Sect Leader Nie. [He moves by Huaisang and out over the dock after the disciple who hurries away.
But he stops suddenly as if he's debating, though he doesn't look back.]
[Huaisang has still thought of those days, sometimes. It would be a lie to say they had nothing to do with why he arranged Wei Wuxian's revival-- they were all close, once, and when he thought Wei Wuxian might be needed here it was for multiple reasons. By multiple people. He'd missed him a little too, though he supposes they won't be close again.
He watches, listening intently as Jiang Cheng opens his mouth... but then they're interrupted, and as he stands facing away from the disciple a flicker of annoyance shows on his face. Of course.
It strikes him that he could try to drag Jiang Cheng away. Wheedle him into skipping like he tried to do for studying. But they're both Sect Leaders, and he's no longer a head-shaker, and they can't afford not to be seen. He just lets himself be passed in silence, though when Jiang Cheng pauses--
Something seizes him.]
Jiang Cheng. After the meeting-
[Huaisang doesn't turn to fully face him, just looks his way.]
[A part of him thinks he's too old to be drinking. He's too old, and he's too... himself, responsible, whatever. Then he realizes maybe being old, maybe now, is when he should be drinking really. After everything.
He is quiet for a long stretch of time, a little glad the disciple has gone on without waiting. Like Huaisang, he doesn't turn around, but tilts his head back to look over a shoulder.]
I'll meet you here. I have a few things to finish after, but later. I'll bring something to drink.
[It still covers his face, but there may be a faint smile behind the fan. He waits an appropriate time, takes a different route back so the others don't immediately know they spoke together, and risk whispers of what Yunmeng and Qinghe may want with each other to have such private discussions now.
And after a long, tiring discussion--
Huaisang is at the gazebo as promised, looking out over the water just as Jiang Cheng had earlier. More relaxed, more contemplative; he's still paying attention though, still listening for the Sect Leader's steps.]
[Jiang Cheng hadn't lied when he said he had to do a few things afterward. Mostly, it was customary politics. Making arrangements for others, seeing people off, getting the order back among everyone in Lotus Pier who are boisterous because of the guests.
Huaisang can hear Jiang Cheng coming even at a distance. There are two clay jars gently clacking together; his walk is still so brisk and stern despite the fact everything is done, and it's late, and he should be relaxing.
If he had a sword instead of alcohol, he'd look exactly the same coming down the creaking boards of the pier.] Sect Leader Nie. [Like they're here for a war conference rather than a social drink.
But he? continues on down the dock and out the other side of the gazebo? He does glance over his shoulder at Huaisang, yet keeps going, one hand with the two jars and one with two cups.]
[He teases, lightly-- but then he continues walking? Huaisang blinks over his fan, and when he's glanced back at, he exhales a little sigh and stands.]
Really, Jiang Cheng, you could have simply asked to meet elsewhere-!
[But he follows easily enough, fanning himself. It's hot here! He had to wait outside!!]
I see you still complain just as much as you did when we were at Gusu.
[He says this with a surprising lack of the venom he's use to dishing out.
He pauses long enough to wait for Huaisang to catch up, and then he continues again along the open dock. Huaisang isn't wrong; the air is temperate at this late hour, but the humidity from the surrounding water makes it worse.
At the end of the long stretch of pier is a square platform, the only exit being the direction they have come, and a slim row boat settled in the lotus on the water. Jiang Cheng lowers the jars down near one edge, and then sits with his boots hooked to the edge and his knees up.]
[His eyes appraise Huaisang when the man joins him at the edge. He notches one glass on Huaisang's side and one on his own, the jars between them.]
If you didn't complain, I think I would question if you were... unwell. It wouldn't be like you. Though I suppose you would tell me that is the Nie Huaisang you wanted everyone to see, too.
[The first question gets only a one-shouldered shrug, and Huaisang doesn't wait for him to be a good host-- he takes up one of those jars so he can pour his own glass.]
If you think I'm someone without complaints, you're very much mistaken-! I have several about these conferences, for one thing. One or two about the weather in Yunmeng. Possibly another about your taste, depending on what you've chosen...?
[Huaisang picks up his cup, wiggling it a little in his hand.]
[His expression grows exasperated the more complaints Huaisang gives him.] Forget I asked, [he says, very withered.]
At least we're in agreement of one thing: the conferences.
[His eyes drop to the cup Huaisang shakes at him, and he snorts derisively under his breath.] Try some then. [He takes up the jar to pour himself some.
It smells sharp with alcohol, but also familiar...? He had been thinking about forgotten days long ago when Wei Wuxian would make them accomplices in Emperor's Smile secrecy.
[Huaisang gives it a curious little sniff, brows lifting at the familiar scent. It's not entirely the same, but... yes, this is enough to decide to drink it, and he takes an experimental sip.]
Oh- I suppose I don't have any complaints after all.
[Not that he'll drink too much, because he rarely gets actually drunk-- but it's good.]
[The drink is, at the very least, not a volcano that will boil Huaisang's mouth raw. But there is a nice kick to it.
On the other hand, Jiang Cheng is so use to spending years being conned into drinking by Wei Wuxian, and then so use to spending years being straight-laced... he just throws the whole cup back in one go.]
[It suits Jiang Cheng, he thinks. Maybe that's why he likes it well enough himself-- it's not something that he just chose for a guest. Maybe it's not meant to be something he likes, which also only makes him want to like it more.]
[That... seems terribly like what he would expect of Huaisang, wanting something smoother. It almost makes him believe Huaisang hasn't changed from when they were young.
But with everything else, he wonders if maybe this is a farce, too. Is this... really Huaisang?]
You'll have to drink all of this yourself then if I'm meant to walk back along the pier to get you something else.
All of it?! I knew it, you've been trying to make me ill all along-- I'm going to be hungover all through tomorrow, you realize! I'll simply have to stay until I recover.
[He takes another sip, with a slight cough at the burn of it.]
[The exasperated look just returns as quickly as it had left. He opens his mouth to be a little scathing, but then strangely thinks better of it.]
...I could call a disciple. [They really are kind of far away. The best he could do is at least go back to the start of the pier and hail someone.
Why is he putting so much thought into this when Huaisang is clearly yanking his chain?!] But you'll just have to drink this for now. It's specialty. You would insult me and Lotus Pier by wasting it.
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Life happened to the three of them.
Quickly, he again looks away in the opposite direction. Both hands come to rest on the wooden banister in front of him, and the fingers grip it tightly for a second or two. When he pulls back, he twists Zidian around and around his finger.]
We were given different paths. There wasn't any room to continue to be children.
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[It's an easy agreement, a lock of hair spilling over his shoulder as he gives his head a little shake; he brushes it over to his back once more.]
Perhaps there wasn't any room to continue to be friends.
[Jiang Cheng had his own grief and rebuilding to contend with and Wei Wuxian was already lost, by the time Nie Huaisang experienced it himself. And in its wake-- no, there wasn't any room for it for him, not with what he needed to do.
Maybe it would have been different if any one of them chose to lean on each other. He thinks perhaps it could have gone worse if they did.]
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And then when the Wens were gone, even when things looked as if they might be relatively normal, they continued to not be at all.
He does not look back at Huaisang; instead, he lifts his head enough to peer out under the sharp curve of the gazebo roof.] Do you hate me for it? [There is no use pretending as if Huaisang is a no-good headshaker. Huaisang isn't.]
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[It's not entirely an answer. On some level, maybe he hates everyone a little bit, for failing to see what he did-- for no one stopping the worst before it came to pass. Maybe that includes himself.
Maybe he can't judge anyone for never reaching out, when he was so unwilling to let anyone in. If Jiang Cheng had, Huaisang wouldn't have taken his hand.]
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He didn't think he had the heart anymore to think about those times after everything that's happened.
Slowly, he turns back to Huaisang, and opens his mouth, but his eyes shift to the side as his face grows more formal and stern. His mouth shuts. A disciple in purple bows even before getting over halfway on the dock.
"Sect Leader Jiang," they say breathlessly, "the meeting will convene shortly."
Jiang Cheng glances at Huaisang, almost apologetic.] I'm coming. [Respectfully, he says,] Sect Leader Nie. [He moves by Huaisang and out over the dock after the disciple who hurries away.
But he stops suddenly as if he's debating, though he doesn't look back.]
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He watches, listening intently as Jiang Cheng opens his mouth... but then they're interrupted, and as he stands facing away from the disciple a flicker of annoyance shows on his face. Of course.
It strikes him that he could try to drag Jiang Cheng away. Wheedle him into skipping like he tried to do for studying. But they're both Sect Leaders, and he's no longer a head-shaker, and they can't afford not to be seen. He just lets himself be passed in silence, though when Jiang Cheng pauses--
Something seizes him.]
Jiang Cheng. After the meeting-
[Huaisang doesn't turn to fully face him, just looks his way.]
After the meeting... come drink with me.
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He is quiet for a long stretch of time, a little glad the disciple has gone on without waiting. Like Huaisang, he doesn't turn around, but tilts his head back to look over a shoulder.]
I'll meet you here. I have a few things to finish after, but later. I'll bring something to drink.
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[It still covers his face, but there may be a faint smile behind the fan. He waits an appropriate time, takes a different route back so the others don't immediately know they spoke together, and risk whispers of what Yunmeng and Qinghe may want with each other to have such private discussions now.
And after a long, tiring discussion--
Huaisang is at the gazebo as promised, looking out over the water just as Jiang Cheng had earlier. More relaxed, more contemplative; he's still paying attention though, still listening for the Sect Leader's steps.]
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Huaisang can hear Jiang Cheng coming even at a distance. There are two clay jars gently clacking together; his walk is still so brisk and stern despite the fact everything is done, and it's late, and he should be relaxing.
If he had a sword instead of alcohol, he'd look exactly the same coming down the creaking boards of the pier.] Sect Leader Nie. [Like they're here for a war conference rather than a social drink.
But he? continues on down the dock and out the other side of the gazebo? He does glance over his shoulder at Huaisang, yet keeps going, one hand with the two jars and one with two cups.]
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[He teases, lightly-- but then he continues walking? Huaisang blinks over his fan, and when he's glanced back at, he exhales a little sigh and stands.]
Really, Jiang Cheng, you could have simply asked to meet elsewhere-!
[But he follows easily enough, fanning himself. It's hot here! He had to wait outside!!]
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[He says this with a surprising lack of the venom he's use to dishing out.
He pauses long enough to wait for Huaisang to catch up, and then he continues again along the open dock. Huaisang isn't wrong; the air is temperate at this late hour, but the humidity from the surrounding water makes it worse.
At the end of the long stretch of pier is a square platform, the only exit being the direction they have come, and a slim row boat settled in the lotus on the water. Jiang Cheng lowers the jars down near one edge, and then sits with his boots hooked to the edge and his knees up.]
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[Huaisang settles in as well, with a little effort spent to arrange his robes properly as he sits.]
I'm really not certain anyone would recognize me, then.
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[His eyes appraise Huaisang when the man joins him at the edge. He notches one glass on Huaisang's side and one on his own, the jars between them.]
If you didn't complain, I think I would question if you were... unwell. It wouldn't be like you. Though I suppose you would tell me that is the Nie Huaisang you wanted everyone to see, too.
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If you think I'm someone without complaints, you're very much mistaken-! I have several about these conferences, for one thing. One or two about the weather in Yunmeng. Possibly another about your taste, depending on what you've chosen...?
[Huaisang picks up his cup, wiggling it a little in his hand.]
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At least we're in agreement of one thing: the conferences.
[His eyes drop to the cup Huaisang shakes at him, and he snorts derisively under his breath.] Try some then. [He takes up the jar to pour himself some.
It smells sharp with alcohol, but also familiar...? He had been thinking about forgotten days long ago when Wei Wuxian would make them accomplices in Emperor's Smile secrecy.
But these also smell--a little spicy?]
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[Huaisang gives it a curious little sniff, brows lifting at the familiar scent. It's not entirely the same, but... yes, this is enough to decide to drink it, and he takes an experimental sip.]
Oh- I suppose I don't have any complaints after all.
[Not that he'll drink too much, because he rarely gets actually drunk-- but it's good.]
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[The drink is, at the very least, not a volcano that will boil Huaisang's mouth raw. But there is a nice kick to it.
On the other hand, Jiang Cheng is so use to spending years being conned into drinking by Wei Wuxian, and then so use to spending years being straight-laced... he just throws the whole cup back in one go.]
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It isn't what I expected you to choose.
[Another careful sip from his own, there.]
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He frowns slightly when he glances at Huaisang.]
Were you looking for something different? I can go back and get you something else.
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Ah, no, not yet, but maybe for the next-! When we run out, you'll have to get me something smoother, Jiang Cheng.
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But with everything else, he wonders if maybe this is a farce, too. Is this... really Huaisang?]
You'll have to drink all of this yourself then if I'm meant to walk back along the pier to get you something else.
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[He takes another sip, with a slight cough at the burn of it.]
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So instead, he just pours another cupful of alcohol and drinks it.]
I can have those arrangements made, Empress Nie. [He gives Hauisang a Look, but it softens slightly.] Do you want something else?
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[He looks amused, watching Jiang Cheng over the rim of his cup-- but not taking another drink.]
But no. I don't, for the moment. Don't tell me you're eager for an excuse to run off?
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...I could call a disciple. [They really are kind of far away. The best he could do is at least go back to the start of the pier and hail someone.
Why is he putting so much thought into this when Huaisang is clearly yanking his chain?!] But you'll just have to drink this for now. It's specialty. You would insult me and Lotus Pier by wasting it.
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I was so sure I fucking tagged this
no sangchengs for you
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https://youtu.be/yi1Ef5cTNks a song for this moment for huaisang
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